After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
