It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
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