I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Randomize
