I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
How drunk are you?
Completed.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Randomize
