I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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