That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
My boss' voice literally gives me gas
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
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