Sry I called you an 8
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
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