tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
