cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Randomize
