A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
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