now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
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