You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
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