I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
