proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
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