I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
