im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
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Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
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On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
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