smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
19 Parents Had Epic Reactions When Catching Their Kids Being “Bad”
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
23 Men Confess The Moment They Realized They Wanted A Divorce
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...