ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
I met the friendliest cop last night
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
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He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
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If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever