JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
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No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
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You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...