I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.