Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
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