Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
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