Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize
