Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
Randomize
