He is like the real live version of the state fair..
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
