I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
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