Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
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