I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
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