Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
Randomize
