Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
Randomize
