I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize
