we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Randomize
