Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
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