im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
Randomize
