I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
Apparently you make a good broom.
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
