Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
The Internet Is Obsessed With This Stripper Who Dropped It Low Just To Eat A Slice Of Pizza
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich