WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!