is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
high people should be assigned attendants
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
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