1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
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