yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
Randomize
