i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
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Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
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