I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
