if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Randomize
