i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
Randomize
