Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
Randomize
