Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
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the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
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That accounts for only three of the penises
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.