so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
These Are The 21 Strangest Sexual Fantasy Confessions
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
You Will Never Meet Anyone More Annoying Than These 23 People
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.