No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
The Internet Is Obsessed With This Stripper Who Dropped It Low Just To Eat A Slice Of Pizza
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.