do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
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