guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
Randomize