Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
Randomize
