Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
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I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
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