I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
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