I'm so fucking centered right now
please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Randomize
