NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Randomize
