yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
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Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
Holy sore nipples Batman
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Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
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