i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
4 words: hood of his car
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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