apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
Randomize
