I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
Randomize